Tariq: http://www.kansascity.com/382/story/548629.html
JerkBag: http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/funny-pictures-lolcat-office-assistant1.jpg
Tariq: Yeah, I saw that.
JerkBag: This is your office:
http://simulatedcomicproduct.com/comics/2008-03-13-DexterityRoll.jpg
Tariq: Um, ok, you are a complete nerd
JerkBag: Have you seen the rankings?
Tariq: On reddit? Yes, I am on there now.
JerkBag: No, the Final Four
You are turning into a big time nerd.
Tariq: Yes, I have seen them AND i knew what you were talking about.
JerkBag: You always say that AFTER I tell you something!
Tariq: And I knew you were going to say that.
JerkBag: I am not very happy with the way things are going.
Tariq: You know what your problem is?
Overconfidence about yesterdays games
JerkBag: You?
It is not possible to have over-confidence for something that has already not worked out.
Tariq: Are you talking about your life?
JerkBag: Yes, look at the friends I have. It is horrible.
Tariq: Shouldn't you be ill and bed-ridden?
JerkBag: I have single-handedly defeated the flu.
Probably forever.
Tariq: Single-handedly? I doubt that.
JerkBag: My antibodies kick ass.
Tariq: YOU need your ass kicked.
Also, I you have not defeated it forever, as yo uclaim.
JerkBag: I CAN USE CAPS TOO.
Norris called me. I think he was in a car accident.
Tariq: THAT'S UNFORTUNATE.
You know what I was thinking? We should post our IMs on a website.
JerkBag: Russ and I planned to do that when we were at Vandalay, but it turned out to be more work than we thought.
Tariq: Is it?
Can't we just set something up at BlogSpot or something?
JerkBag: The problems are that some of the stuff we talk about is secret.
Tariq: We'll redact the parts relating to your homosexuality
JerkBag: Very funny.
Tariq: That's why it should be for the world to see.
JerkBag: Things you might not want the world to see: you talking bad about your employer, our business dealings, insults of people we know...
Tariq: Yeah, but we can redact anything we don't want shown
Plus, YOU are the one who is constantly ragging on your employer.
JerkBag: That is where the work comes in and stop saying redact.
If you worked in this office, you would too.
Tariq: How hard can that be? We cover up some words. Is it really that hard?
http://www.insidecrm.com/archive2/2007/04/50_ways_to_get_.html
JerkBag: No, you just have to read it again which gets boring really quickly. You of all people should know that is a big hurdle.
Tariq: What is that supposed to mean?
I am going to go to blog spot and give it a shot.
JerkBag: It means that you don't like to do boring things.
Tariq: Agreed
JerkBag: I also think that you are over-estimating how funny we are to other people.
A lot of it is inside jokes.
Tariq: Yes, I know. I am TOTALLY overestimating YOUR funniness. But I am universally regarded as the comedy gold standard
JerkBag: Gold is down in early trading.
Send me a transcript of what you are going to upload.
Why are you calling me???
Tariq: Don't forget to give Norris my #.
And, you're right, this isn't nearly as funny when you read it back, but I'm going to do it anyway.
JerkBag: The very first one was kind of funny.
First one on the search page.
Tariq: What are you talking about?
What search page?
JerkBag: Nevermind
Tariq: That wasn't funny
Are there emoticons on this thing?
JerkBag: No
Tariq: That's dumb. There should be.
JerkBag: No, there shouldn't
Tariq: WHy not? You don't HAVE to use them, but at least there would be the option for people who did.
JerkBag: and if there were I wouldn't tell you.
I have to look at them.
Tariq: I can't find any. I just looiked again
How do you save this?
The IM string?
JerkBag: I guess that proves it. :)
Tariq: You are an idiot :(
JerkBag: Is that usually what you say when someone shows you something you don't know?
Tariq: THAT'S NOT THE TYPE OF EMOTICON I WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!!
JerkBag: I have to say it sort of implies that you are also an idiot.
Tariq: You said "also", meaning you admit to being an idiot.
JerkBag: What are you talking about?
Tariq: I am glad you finally came to terms with that.
JerkBag: In your implication,.
Tariq: I am talkign about the ready-made ones
And, how do you save these strings?
JerkBag: :-)
Tariq: Seriously, I am going to punch you.
JerkBag: :*)
Tariq: I don't even know what that one is.
JerkBag: Me neither.
Tariq: THEN WHY DID YOU DO IT!?!?!?!!?
JerkBag: I was experimenting
It is like his eyes are where his ears should be.
Tariq: Is that what you call it when you sleep with other guys>
Also, my right armpit is a bit sweaty and I don't know why/
JerkBag: This is not going to play well on the interwebs.
Tariq: LOL Katz luv it.
JerkBag: They love that.
I IS in you IM, saying stuff.
Tariq: Itz spelld "iz", no "is".
JerkBag: Hold on I am going to send you a picture of my BBQ grill.
Tell me if it looks angry.
Tariq: HA!
JerkBag: x-(
Tariq: Ok, for the 3d time, how do you save this stuff?
JerkBag: I don't know. You are the blogger.
Look at my grill!
I knew I could do it!
Tariq: I fugured it out.
Becuz I iz jeenyus kat
JerkBag: Hello Internets!
Tariq: Oh no, the internet is here
JerkBag: B-)
Tariq: What the hell is that? Batman?
JerkBag: Wait for it.
It isn't Batman.
Tariq: Ok, what is it?
JerkBag: A guy wearing sunglasses. What does it look like?
Tariq: Seriously, are you eating paint chips RIGHT NOW?
JerkBag: It is just a snack.
What does it look like to you?
Tariq: Exactly what I said - Batman
JerkBag: I tried to send you a IM transcript, but it failed and then added your whole address to the IM window. This is getting too confusing.
Tariq: I just copied and pasted to a Word doc
JerkBag: Which one?
This one?
Tariq: Yes
JerkBag: The one I tried to send you was very funny.
Tariq: Why don't you email it to me?
JerkBag: I tried!!!
I just told you that.
Tariq: What isyour problem? You are the comp nerd?
JerkBag: I can't control google
Tariq: What about eBay?
JerkBag: Now, I have to see your whole address all over my IM window!
Tariq: Nice
JerkBag: Ha! I just figured out how to change it back.
Tariq: Wow. I am soooo impressed.
JerkBag: Not only that. I can change it to whatever I want.
Tariq: ...
JerkBag: What's up, Tariq2999?
Tariq: You are a DB. That's not my screen name and you know it. Now, at the very least, let's shoot for some accuracy here and change it back to what it actually is!
JerkBag: What is DB?
Tariq: You. A DoucheBag.
JerkBag: haha
Tariq2999 is typing....
Tariq: I am changing yours to Jerk-bag DB
JerkBag: haha
I don't believe that you know how to do that.
Tariq: Give me a minute
JerkBag: It is only two years less. What's the big deal?
Tariq: Ok, you are now officially JerkBag
The DB didn't fit
JerkBag: You are just saying that.
You didn't figure it out, because I made the whole thing up!
haha
Tariq: REally? Why don't you check your email.
JerkBag: I am on email right now
Tariq: Well, I just sent you an email that included a screen capture of your name, JerkBag
JerkBag: Sure you did.
Tariq: Also, on the top of the IM window, it has your full name, JerkBag DB
JerkBag: Sure.
I guess that email must have gotten lost at the virtual post office.
Tariq: Look, are you trying to play for the "blogosphere" by acting like I couldn't do it.
Just ADMIT THAT YOU ARE JERKBAG DB!!!!
JerkBag: YOU DIDN"T SEND ME AN EMAIL
Tariq: Yes
I
Did
JerkBag: BECAUSE YOU DIDN"T DO IT
Tariq: STOP YELLING!
JerkBag: That email doesn't prove anything.
Tariq: Really? What about the pic I am bout to send to your phone?
JerkBag: Maybe you have another friend who is actually named JerkBag.
Tariq: It's pronouse ass-we-pay
JerkBag: Probably you do.
Tariq: I just sent a pic to you.
And why didn't you answer your phone?
JerkBag: Did you just call me from your old number?
Tariq: It's my work #
Also, did you give Norris my #?
JerkBag: For some reason, I thought it was Vandalay IT.
Yes
Tariq: No, it was Vandalay ET. I was phoning home.
JerkBag: You don't live here anymore.
Tariq: As far as you know
JerkBag: I didn't think it was possible, but our IMs have actually gotten more ridiculous since we decided to go on the World Wide Web.
Tariq: I doubt that.
Mr Simpson, can you really put a price on yuor family's safety?
You wouldn't think so, but here we are.
JerkBag: We were speaking in Lolcat!!!
Tariq: Yeah, I am multi-lingualz
JerkBag: Stop doing that!
Tariq: See, if there was a cat emoticon, that would be perfect right now
JerkBag: Emoticons are stupid.
and no one wants to see them.
Also, the only people who should talk like that are kittens, because they are young and they are still learning English.
Tariq: Allow me to quote a chick I work with. SHe and some other girl are talking next to my deask and this is what one of them says - It's bad enough that I have to worry about my Billy Dee Williams mustache
JerkBag: That is funny. Let's try to book them on our show.
Tariq: No. I hate her. Also, now I just heard the other chick say - yeah, so on Sunday I;'m going to a sex toy party. We're calling it Dildos for the Sabbath
JerkBag: Are you making this stuff up to improve our ratings?
Tariq: WTF is wrong with these people?
I wish I was making it up.
JerkBag: That is a very valid question.
Are you aware that you have personally introduced me to several people who would consider that to be a very reasonable conversation?
Tariq: Like who?
JerkBag: I can't say. I don't want to get sued.
Tariq: I will redact their names.
Now that you know what redact means, you should be ok with it
JerkBag: What about that chick that wanted to name her baby, "Baby"?
Tariq: Who is that?
JerkBag: Maybe that isn't a good example. How about Heinrich?
Tariq: He's out of rehab now, so I doubt he'd think that was reasonable any more.
