Tariq: Wocka wocka
Soren: Fozzy?
Tariq: Yes, yes it is.
Sent at 10:45 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: Well, that was an exciting conversation.
Sent at 10:49 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: Now my thumb is bleeding.
Also, this morning (after coming in to work) I had to go to the store and buy new pants and boxers. I am wearing them now.
There was an incident.
Sent at 10:55 AM on Tuesday
Soren: What happened???
Sent at 11:06 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: Um, well, have you heard of Alli?
The weight loss drug.
It block fat absorbion and, basically, you poop ou the fat.
Well, I had pizza last night and I guess the Alli was still in me.
Soren: Oh my god!
Tariq: So, on the way to work this morning, I farted and thought to myself "Hmm, something isn't right".
Soren: Again, oh my god.
Tariq: So, I go to the bathroom once I get here and notice that I have leaked fat through my boxers and pants.
Oh, and my pants are off white, so you can totally see it. The fat is basically an orange color.
Soren: Ewww!
Tariq: So, I don't know what to do. I call Jill hoping she's still at home and can bring me pants
Soren: Did anyone say anything?
Tariq: She's already left for work.
No one said anything. I basically tried not to get up.
Jill suggested I go by new pants.
So, I leave to Kohl's. On the way I call Melissa and tell her I feel and ripped my pants and would be out buying new ones.
I fell, not feel
Soren: I figured
Tariq: At Kohls, in the changing room, I am ripping off the tags from the pants and tearing open a4-pack of boxers. I put on the new clothes and am thinking "security is going to try to bust me. They think I am shoplifting"
I go to the checkout with only the tags from the pants and an opened package of boxers. I just look at the old guy and say "I'm wearing the clothes",. He says "That's fine , young man, did ya rip 'em?"
I just said yes, paid the $60, and took off.
Soren: Did you leave your old clothes there?
Tariq: No, he gave me a bag for them.
They're in my car
Soren: Guess what I am doing right now.
Tariq: Pooping your pants?
Soren: Close
Eating pizza
Tariq: Want some Alli?
Soren: No thanks.
Here is the part that amazes me.
You never thought to just leave work and go home.
That would be my first move.
Sent at 11:21 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: I did, but that was going to be an hour+, roundtrip.
Soren: In my mind, it would be worth it.
Tariq: That's why you're a sucka.
Soren: I am not sure I would even come back.
Why are you taking that stuff?
Tariq: To lose weight, duh.
15 April 2008
02 April 2008
Wednesday: HO FO SHO
Soren is idle.
Tariq: Did you see this on Reddit?
http://fyynd.com/links/top/
A guy has started a competitor
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?
Sent at 9:09 AM on Wednesday
Soren: I think it is fake.
Tariq: I thought that too, for a bit, then lost interest and left the site
Sent at 9:34 AM on Wednesday
Tariq: How is this even possible?
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/0804/wrestling.dustin.carter/content.1.html?bcnn=yes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvxc8S5ybS4
Sent at 10:07 AM on Wednesday
Tariq: Om nom nom
Sent at 10:14 AM on Wednesday
Tariq: 1. Where are you?
2. What is wrong with Digg today?
Sent at 10:47 AM on Wednesday
Tariq: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27IOmm7zlCw&eurl=http://boortz.com/more/video/ultimate_cubical_prank.html
Sent at 1:11 PM on Wednesday
Soren: Stop sending me videos!
Tariq: NO!
Soren: You know I don't watch those
Tariq: But these are interesting.
They have passed the Tariq-Test of awsomness
Sent at 1:41 PM on Wednesday
Tariq: Om nom nom
Sent at 1:45 PM on Wednesday
Soren: Have you seen the new Hesse commericial?
http://www.businessweek.com/technology/content/apr2008/tc2008041_766069.htm?chan=rss_topStories_ssi_5
"The most likely scenario for Sprint going forward is a long twilight where the company's inferior network, ambiguous brand message, and quality of service results in a continuing [if slowing] attrition of subscribers, revenues, and margins," Craig Moffett, a Sanford C. Bernstein & Co. senior analyst, told investors in March.
Sent at 1:58 PM on Wednesday
Tariq: Yeah, I read that.
Sent at 2:05 PM on Wednesday
Tariq: Wouldn't it be funny if you were driving down the street and all of a sudden you see a car whose vanity plate says HO FO SHO
Sent at 3:15 PM on Wednesday
Soren: Did that happen?
Tariq: No, but wouldn't it be awsom?
Soren: yes
Tariq: So you admit that I am right?
Soren: Inthiscase
Tariq: Excellent.
My work here is done.
Soren: but you were wrong about the dogs. They don't live herre
They left today
Tariq: I SAID - my work here is done
Soren: i didn't even know it had started
Tariq: Shut up.
Sent at 4:04 PM on Wednesday
Tariq: Did you see this on Reddit?
http://fyynd.com/links/top/
A guy has started a competitor
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?
Sent at 9:09 AM on Wednesday
Soren: I think it is fake.
Tariq: I thought that too, for a bit, then lost interest and left the site
Sent at 9:34 AM on Wednesday
Tariq: How is this even possible?
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/0804/wrestling.dustin.carter/content.1.html?bcnn=yes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvxc8S5ybS4
Sent at 10:07 AM on Wednesday
Tariq: Om nom nom
Sent at 10:14 AM on Wednesday
Tariq: 1. Where are you?
2. What is wrong with Digg today?
Sent at 10:47 AM on Wednesday
Tariq: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27IOmm7zlCw&eurl=http://boortz.com/more/video/ultimate_cubical_prank.html
Sent at 1:11 PM on Wednesday
Soren: Stop sending me videos!
Tariq: NO!
Soren: You know I don't watch those
Tariq: But these are interesting.
They have passed the Tariq-Test of awsomness
Sent at 1:41 PM on Wednesday
Tariq: Om nom nom
Sent at 1:45 PM on Wednesday
Soren: Have you seen the new Hesse commericial?
http://www.businessweek.com/technology/content/apr2008/tc2008041_766069.htm?chan=rss_topStories_ssi_5
"The most likely scenario for Sprint going forward is a long twilight where the company's inferior network, ambiguous brand message, and quality of service results in a continuing [if slowing] attrition of subscribers, revenues, and margins," Craig Moffett, a Sanford C. Bernstein & Co. senior analyst, told investors in March.
Sent at 1:58 PM on Wednesday
Tariq: Yeah, I read that.
Sent at 2:05 PM on Wednesday
Tariq: Wouldn't it be funny if you were driving down the street and all of a sudden you see a car whose vanity plate says HO FO SHO
Sent at 3:15 PM on Wednesday
Soren: Did that happen?
Tariq: No, but wouldn't it be awsom?
Soren: yes
Tariq: So you admit that I am right?
Soren: Inthiscase
Tariq: Excellent.
My work here is done.
Soren: but you were wrong about the dogs. They don't live herre
They left today
Tariq: I SAID - my work here is done
Soren: i didn't even know it had started
Tariq: Shut up.
Sent at 4:04 PM on Wednesday
01 April 2008
Tuesday: Flying Penguins
Soren is online.
Tariq: Vince and I are talking this afternoon about the corp forms
http://images.usefulzero.com/s/turkey-vulture/
Sent at 9:10 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: I take it that you are afraid of me and that is why you are no longer at your computer
Sent at 9:17 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: Are you lying in the fetal position, sobbing?
Soren: Why would I do that>
Tariq: B/c you are scared.
Soren: Of?
Tariq: Me.
Duh.
Soren: Your face is only scary in person.
Tariq: Scary in that you know when you see it you are going to get your ass kicked
Soren: By ugliness
Tariq: You are dumber than I thought.
THe dumb is strong in this one
Soren: I assume you thought I was a genius
Tariq: Man, you got me. That was a great April Fool's Day joke. Good job! For I second I thought you were being serious with that comment.
Soren: Talking to you is an April Fools joke
Tariq: That doesn't even make sense
Did you see taht I am talking to Vince this afternoon?
Soren: Yes
That is good.
Tariq: Yes, yes it is.
You know, there should be like an April Fool's Day parade.
And the floats are all sorts of crazy stuff that doesn't make sense
Soren: I would go to that.
Tariq: Yeah, lots of people would.
And Pee Wee Herman would be the Grand Marshall.
Soren: You could start that
Tariq: I don't have time.
I have muted all the volume on my computer b/c I am afraid, with this being April 1 and all, that there is a high probability that I will get RickRolled.
Also, I left my cell phone in my car, but that was on accident.
Soren: It sounds like you are totally prepared.
Tariq: Soon as I go to my car to get my phone, I will be.
Soren: The cellphone cancer thing was on the local news last night.
Tariq: Then it is 100% true
Soren: they said research indicated using a cellphone for more than 10 years would double the chance of brain cancer and that they expected more deaths than cigarettes. Then they just moved on to the next story.
Shouldn't someone being following up on such an important allegation?
Tariq: Yeah, WTF? So we've doubled our chances of brain cancer?
Soren: According to whatever research they did.
I am going to look for it on reddit
Sent at 9:38 AM on Tuesday
Soren: Did you read the article on reddit?
Sent at 9:44 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: No. What's the headline?
Soren: http://www.technewsworld.com/rsstory/62380.html
Sent at 9:47 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: Yeah, I don't know. Maybe there's a link, maybe there isn't. Since you think there is, you should probably stop using your cell and take up smoking instead.
And, on that note, I am going to go get my cell phone frmo my car.
Soren: Way to leave on a high note, George.
Tariq: The ocean called. They're out of shrimp.
BREAKING NEWS!!!!!
Soren: Go on
Tariq: I am going to wait to get my phone until after lunch
That will be around noonish
Soren: That was over-hyped.
Tariq: No, it wasn't
BREAKING NEWS
I am going to order a 2-month supply of Protandim this week
Soren: This reminds me of the kind of journalism Kermit the Frog did on Sesame Street
Tariq: Live. Late-Breaking. Investigative.
Soren: You forgot Uninteresting
You should go to YouTube
Sent at 10:00 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: Let me guess, you want me to check out one of their featured vids.
Soren: Yes...that is a great idea
Tariq: Here's a great idea - you shut up.
Ha! It worked.
Heineken premios Billboard en vivo!
Soren: What?
Heineken lives in Bilboards
Tariq: No, no no.
Heneiken present Billboard live
it was on a banner ad
Basically, I learned spanish while you were not talking.
I can really get a lot accomplished when you are not interfering.
Soren: Then I will never stop interferring
Tariq: interfeRRing? What is that?
Soren: I like to roll my rr's
Tariq: I like to roll my SUVs
Sent at 10:11 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: Look, it's you, but w/o the tough and dangerous part.
http://sports.yahoo.com/mma/news?slug=ki-lauzon032908&prov=yhoo&type=lgns
Sent at 11:16 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: Wow, this is amazing...
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/portal/ttv/arts.jhtml?bcpid=1358314062&bclid=1363192294&bctid=1482436596
Sent at 1:17 PM on Tuesday
Soren: That was dumb
Tariq: Why? B/c you hate penguins?
Sent at 1:37 PM on Tuesday
Soren: They should have used the ones from Madagascar
Tariq: The movie?
Soren: and had them flying Midwest Express
Yes
http://money.cnn.com/2008/04/01/technology/sprint.ap/index.htm?postversion=2008040114
Is this what you were talking about?
http://money.cnn.com/2008/04/01/news/economy/trucking_protest/index.htm?postversion=2008040114
Tariq: Yeah.
Hey, can you get me that new Sprint phone?
Soren: I don't work at Sprint!
Tariq: I don't care, just get me one
Soren: I thought you just got a new smart phone.
Tariq: No, I am still waiting. Stupid people
Soren: The Royals are undefeated.
Sent at 1:46 PM on Tuesday
Tariq: Yeah, do you think they'll go the whole season w/o losing?
Sent at 1:49 PM on Tuesday
Soren: No, I do not.
Tariq: So, that penguin thing...I sent it to a bunch of people at work telling them how amazing it is and that the full show will air on BBC later this month. So far 3 people have responded. Of those 3, 2 believe it.
Soren: Wow.
Tariq: I know. It's hilarious.
Soren: If they would have shown them flying only short distances, I could have believed it.
Tariq: Yeah, me too. You could tell it was CGI.
Soren: You have some dumb friends.
Tariq: That stands for Computer Generated something. Maybe Images.
Yeah, look at you.
Soren: Insaneness
Tariq: Oh. I didn't know that
Soren: You shouldn't use TLA that you don't know.
I have to go up north, now
Tariq: Oh, do you have detention or something?
Soren: haha
Tariq: Don't worry, I won't tell anyone
that you TP'
d the principals house
Soren: I am giving the commencement speech at Oak Park High School.
Tariq: Yeah, right. You couldn't even give a commencement address for a clown college graduation
Soren: I know, but it is Oak Park
More like a clown hs
Tariq: Please come here so I can repeatedly slap you
Soren: haha
Sent at 2:07 PM on Tuesday
Tariq: I am going to get you this shirt for your birthday, b/c it is accurate as it relates to you:
http://www.photobasement.com/if-it-werent-for-carbon-14/
Sent at 3:07 PM on Tuesday
Soren: Carbon 14 is a fake thing made up by Evolution Fanatics.
Tariq: I could say the same about you.
SHouldn't you be up north right now?
Soren: I am back.
Tariq: No way. Where did you go?
Soren: Turns out none of the OP senior had enough credits to graduate
Tariq: What
eh
vah
Soren: Sometimes you are such a diva
Tariq: Nothing like Mariah, though
Sent at 3:12 PM on Tuesday
Tariq: Vince and I are talking this afternoon about the corp forms
http://images.usefulzero.com/s/turkey-vulture/
Sent at 9:10 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: I take it that you are afraid of me and that is why you are no longer at your computer
Sent at 9:17 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: Are you lying in the fetal position, sobbing?
Soren: Why would I do that>
Tariq: B/c you are scared.
Soren: Of?
Tariq: Me.
Duh.
Soren: Your face is only scary in person.
Tariq: Scary in that you know when you see it you are going to get your ass kicked
Soren: By ugliness
Tariq: You are dumber than I thought.
THe dumb is strong in this one
Soren: I assume you thought I was a genius
Tariq: Man, you got me. That was a great April Fool's Day joke. Good job! For I second I thought you were being serious with that comment.
Soren: Talking to you is an April Fools joke
Tariq: That doesn't even make sense
Did you see taht I am talking to Vince this afternoon?
Soren: Yes
That is good.
Tariq: Yes, yes it is.
You know, there should be like an April Fool's Day parade.
And the floats are all sorts of crazy stuff that doesn't make sense
Soren: I would go to that.
Tariq: Yeah, lots of people would.
And Pee Wee Herman would be the Grand Marshall.
Soren: You could start that
Tariq: I don't have time.
I have muted all the volume on my computer b/c I am afraid, with this being April 1 and all, that there is a high probability that I will get RickRolled.
Also, I left my cell phone in my car, but that was on accident.
Soren: It sounds like you are totally prepared.
Tariq: Soon as I go to my car to get my phone, I will be.
Soren: The cellphone cancer thing was on the local news last night.
Tariq: Then it is 100% true
Soren: they said research indicated using a cellphone for more than 10 years would double the chance of brain cancer and that they expected more deaths than cigarettes. Then they just moved on to the next story.
Shouldn't someone being following up on such an important allegation?
Tariq: Yeah, WTF? So we've doubled our chances of brain cancer?
Soren: According to whatever research they did.
I am going to look for it on reddit
Sent at 9:38 AM on Tuesday
Soren: Did you read the article on reddit?
Sent at 9:44 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: No. What's the headline?
Soren: http://www.technewsworld.com/rsstory/62380.html
Sent at 9:47 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: Yeah, I don't know. Maybe there's a link, maybe there isn't. Since you think there is, you should probably stop using your cell and take up smoking instead.
And, on that note, I am going to go get my cell phone frmo my car.
Soren: Way to leave on a high note, George.
Tariq: The ocean called. They're out of shrimp.
BREAKING NEWS!!!!!
Soren: Go on
Tariq: I am going to wait to get my phone until after lunch
That will be around noonish
Soren: That was over-hyped.
Tariq: No, it wasn't
BREAKING NEWS
I am going to order a 2-month supply of Protandim this week
Soren: This reminds me of the kind of journalism Kermit the Frog did on Sesame Street
Tariq: Live. Late-Breaking. Investigative.
Soren: You forgot Uninteresting
You should go to YouTube
Sent at 10:00 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: Let me guess, you want me to check out one of their featured vids.
Soren: Yes...that is a great idea
Tariq: Here's a great idea - you shut up.
Ha! It worked.
Heineken premios Billboard en vivo!
Soren: What?
Heineken lives in Bilboards
Tariq: No, no no.
Heneiken present Billboard live
it was on a banner ad
Basically, I learned spanish while you were not talking.
I can really get a lot accomplished when you are not interfering.
Soren: Then I will never stop interferring
Tariq: interfeRRing? What is that?
Soren: I like to roll my rr's
Tariq: I like to roll my SUVs
Sent at 10:11 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: Look, it's you, but w/o the tough and dangerous part.
http://sports.yahoo.com/mma/news?slug=ki-lauzon032908&prov=yhoo&type=lgns
Sent at 11:16 AM on Tuesday
Tariq: Wow, this is amazing...
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/portal/ttv/arts.jhtml?bcpid=1358314062&bclid=1363192294&bctid=1482436596
Sent at 1:17 PM on Tuesday
Soren: That was dumb
Tariq: Why? B/c you hate penguins?
Sent at 1:37 PM on Tuesday
Soren: They should have used the ones from Madagascar
Tariq: The movie?
Soren: and had them flying Midwest Express
Yes
http://money.cnn.com/2008/04/01/technology/sprint.ap/index.htm?postversion=2008040114
Is this what you were talking about?
http://money.cnn.com/2008/04/01/news/economy/trucking_protest/index.htm?postversion=2008040114
Tariq: Yeah.
Hey, can you get me that new Sprint phone?
Soren: I don't work at Sprint!
Tariq: I don't care, just get me one
Soren: I thought you just got a new smart phone.
Tariq: No, I am still waiting. Stupid people
Soren: The Royals are undefeated.
Sent at 1:46 PM on Tuesday
Tariq: Yeah, do you think they'll go the whole season w/o losing?
Sent at 1:49 PM on Tuesday
Soren: No, I do not.
Tariq: So, that penguin thing...I sent it to a bunch of people at work telling them how amazing it is and that the full show will air on BBC later this month. So far 3 people have responded. Of those 3, 2 believe it.
Soren: Wow.
Tariq: I know. It's hilarious.
Soren: If they would have shown them flying only short distances, I could have believed it.
Tariq: Yeah, me too. You could tell it was CGI.
Soren: You have some dumb friends.
Tariq: That stands for Computer Generated something. Maybe Images.
Yeah, look at you.
Soren: Insaneness
Tariq: Oh. I didn't know that
Soren: You shouldn't use TLA that you don't know.
I have to go up north, now
Tariq: Oh, do you have detention or something?
Soren: haha
Tariq: Don't worry, I won't tell anyone
that you TP'
d the principals house
Soren: I am giving the commencement speech at Oak Park High School.
Tariq: Yeah, right. You couldn't even give a commencement address for a clown college graduation
Soren: I know, but it is Oak Park
More like a clown hs
Tariq: Please come here so I can repeatedly slap you
Soren: haha
Sent at 2:07 PM on Tuesday
Tariq: I am going to get you this shirt for your birthday, b/c it is accurate as it relates to you:
http://www.photobasement.com/if-it-werent-for-carbon-14/
Sent at 3:07 PM on Tuesday
Soren: Carbon 14 is a fake thing made up by Evolution Fanatics.
Tariq: I could say the same about you.
SHouldn't you be up north right now?
Soren: I am back.
Tariq: No way. Where did you go?
Soren: Turns out none of the OP senior had enough credits to graduate
Tariq: What
eh
vah
Soren: Sometimes you are such a diva
Tariq: Nothing like Mariah, though
Sent at 3:12 PM on Tuesday
28 March 2008
Friday: Creation
Tariq: http://www.kansascity.com/382/story/548629.html
JerkBag: http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/funny-pictures-lolcat-office-assistant1.jpg
Tariq: Yeah, I saw that.
JerkBag: This is your office:
http://simulatedcomicproduct.com/comics/2008-03-13-DexterityRoll.jpg
Tariq: Um, ok, you are a complete nerd
JerkBag: Have you seen the rankings?
Tariq: On reddit? Yes, I am on there now.
JerkBag: No, the Final Four
You are turning into a big time nerd.
Tariq: Yes, I have seen them AND i knew what you were talking about.
JerkBag: You always say that AFTER I tell you something!
Tariq: And I knew you were going to say that.
JerkBag: I am not very happy with the way things are going.
Tariq: You know what your problem is?
Overconfidence about yesterdays games
JerkBag: You?
It is not possible to have over-confidence for something that has already not worked out.
Tariq: Are you talking about your life?
JerkBag: Yes, look at the friends I have. It is horrible.
Tariq: Shouldn't you be ill and bed-ridden?
JerkBag: I have single-handedly defeated the flu.
Probably forever.
Tariq: Single-handedly? I doubt that.
JerkBag: My antibodies kick ass.
Tariq: YOU need your ass kicked.
Also, I you have not defeated it forever, as yo uclaim.
JerkBag: I CAN USE CAPS TOO.
Norris called me. I think he was in a car accident.
Tariq: THAT'S UNFORTUNATE.
You know what I was thinking? We should post our IMs on a website.
JerkBag: Russ and I planned to do that when we were at Vandalay, but it turned out to be more work than we thought.
Tariq: Is it?
Can't we just set something up at BlogSpot or something?
JerkBag: The problems are that some of the stuff we talk about is secret.
Tariq: We'll redact the parts relating to your homosexuality
JerkBag: Very funny.
Tariq: That's why it should be for the world to see.
JerkBag: Things you might not want the world to see: you talking bad about your employer, our business dealings, insults of people we know...
Tariq: Yeah, but we can redact anything we don't want shown
Plus, YOU are the one who is constantly ragging on your employer.
JerkBag: That is where the work comes in and stop saying redact.
If you worked in this office, you would too.
Tariq: How hard can that be? We cover up some words. Is it really that hard?
http://www.insidecrm.com/archive2/2007/04/50_ways_to_get_.html
JerkBag: No, you just have to read it again which gets boring really quickly. You of all people should know that is a big hurdle.
Tariq: What is that supposed to mean?
I am going to go to blog spot and give it a shot.
JerkBag: It means that you don't like to do boring things.
Tariq: Agreed
JerkBag: I also think that you are over-estimating how funny we are to other people.
A lot of it is inside jokes.
Tariq: Yes, I know. I am TOTALLY overestimating YOUR funniness. But I am universally regarded as the comedy gold standard
JerkBag: Gold is down in early trading.
Send me a transcript of what you are going to upload.
Why are you calling me???
Tariq: Don't forget to give Norris my #.
And, you're right, this isn't nearly as funny when you read it back, but I'm going to do it anyway.
JerkBag: The very first one was kind of funny.
First one on the search page.
Tariq: What are you talking about?
What search page?
JerkBag: Nevermind
Tariq: That wasn't funny
Are there emoticons on this thing?
JerkBag: No
Tariq: That's dumb. There should be.
JerkBag: No, there shouldn't
Tariq: WHy not? You don't HAVE to use them, but at least there would be the option for people who did.
JerkBag: and if there were I wouldn't tell you.
I have to look at them.
Tariq: I can't find any. I just looiked again
How do you save this?
The IM string?
JerkBag: I guess that proves it. :)
Tariq: You are an idiot :(
JerkBag: Is that usually what you say when someone shows you something you don't know?
Tariq: THAT'S NOT THE TYPE OF EMOTICON I WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!!
JerkBag: I have to say it sort of implies that you are also an idiot.
Tariq: You said "also", meaning you admit to being an idiot.
JerkBag: What are you talking about?
Tariq: I am glad you finally came to terms with that.
JerkBag: In your implication,.
Tariq: I am talkign about the ready-made ones
And, how do you save these strings?
JerkBag: :-)
Tariq: Seriously, I am going to punch you.
JerkBag: :*)
Tariq: I don't even know what that one is.
JerkBag: Me neither.
Tariq: THEN WHY DID YOU DO IT!?!?!?!!?
JerkBag: I was experimenting
It is like his eyes are where his ears should be.
Tariq: Is that what you call it when you sleep with other guys>
Also, my right armpit is a bit sweaty and I don't know why/
JerkBag: This is not going to play well on the interwebs.
Tariq: LOL Katz luv it.
JerkBag: They love that.
I IS in you IM, saying stuff.
Tariq: Itz spelld "iz", no "is".
JerkBag: Hold on I am going to send you a picture of my BBQ grill.
Tell me if it looks angry.
Tariq: HA!
JerkBag: x-(
Tariq: Ok, for the 3d time, how do you save this stuff?
JerkBag: I don't know. You are the blogger.
Look at my grill!
I knew I could do it!
Tariq: I fugured it out.
Becuz I iz jeenyus kat
JerkBag: Hello Internets!
Tariq: Oh no, the internet is here
JerkBag: B-)
Tariq: What the hell is that? Batman?
JerkBag: Wait for it.
It isn't Batman.
Tariq: Ok, what is it?
JerkBag: A guy wearing sunglasses. What does it look like?
Tariq: Seriously, are you eating paint chips RIGHT NOW?
JerkBag: It is just a snack.
What does it look like to you?
Tariq: Exactly what I said - Batman
JerkBag: I tried to send you a IM transcript, but it failed and then added your whole address to the IM window. This is getting too confusing.
Tariq: I just copied and pasted to a Word doc
JerkBag: Which one?
This one?
Tariq: Yes
JerkBag: The one I tried to send you was very funny.
Tariq: Why don't you email it to me?
JerkBag: I tried!!!
I just told you that.
Tariq: What isyour problem? You are the comp nerd?
JerkBag: I can't control google
Tariq: What about eBay?
JerkBag: Now, I have to see your whole address all over my IM window!
Tariq: Nice
JerkBag: Ha! I just figured out how to change it back.
Tariq: Wow. I am soooo impressed.
JerkBag: Not only that. I can change it to whatever I want.
Tariq: ...
JerkBag: What's up, Tariq2999?
Tariq: You are a DB. That's not my screen name and you know it. Now, at the very least, let's shoot for some accuracy here and change it back to what it actually is!
JerkBag: What is DB?
Tariq: You. A DoucheBag.
JerkBag: haha
Tariq2999 is typing....
Tariq: I am changing yours to Jerk-bag DB
JerkBag: haha
I don't believe that you know how to do that.
Tariq: Give me a minute
JerkBag: It is only two years less. What's the big deal?
Tariq: Ok, you are now officially JerkBag
The DB didn't fit
JerkBag: You are just saying that.
You didn't figure it out, because I made the whole thing up!
haha
Tariq: REally? Why don't you check your email.
JerkBag: I am on email right now
Tariq: Well, I just sent you an email that included a screen capture of your name, JerkBag
JerkBag: Sure you did.
Tariq: Also, on the top of the IM window, it has your full name, JerkBag DB
JerkBag: Sure.
I guess that email must have gotten lost at the virtual post office.
Tariq: Look, are you trying to play for the "blogosphere" by acting like I couldn't do it.
Just ADMIT THAT YOU ARE JERKBAG DB!!!!
JerkBag: YOU DIDN"T SEND ME AN EMAIL
Tariq: Yes
I
Did
JerkBag: BECAUSE YOU DIDN"T DO IT
Tariq: STOP YELLING!
JerkBag: That email doesn't prove anything.
Tariq: Really? What about the pic I am bout to send to your phone?
JerkBag: Maybe you have another friend who is actually named JerkBag.
Tariq: It's pronouse ass-we-pay
JerkBag: Probably you do.
Tariq: I just sent a pic to you.
And why didn't you answer your phone?
JerkBag: Did you just call me from your old number?
Tariq: It's my work #
Also, did you give Norris my #?
JerkBag: For some reason, I thought it was Vandalay IT.
Yes
Tariq: No, it was Vandalay ET. I was phoning home.
JerkBag: You don't live here anymore.
Tariq: As far as you know
JerkBag: I didn't think it was possible, but our IMs have actually gotten more ridiculous since we decided to go on the World Wide Web.
Tariq: I doubt that.
Mr Simpson, can you really put a price on yuor family's safety?
You wouldn't think so, but here we are.
JerkBag: We were speaking in Lolcat!!!
Tariq: Yeah, I am multi-lingualz
JerkBag: Stop doing that!
Tariq: See, if there was a cat emoticon, that would be perfect right now
JerkBag: Emoticons are stupid.
and no one wants to see them.
Also, the only people who should talk like that are kittens, because they are young and they are still learning English.
Tariq: Allow me to quote a chick I work with. SHe and some other girl are talking next to my deask and this is what one of them says - It's bad enough that I have to worry about my Billy Dee Williams mustache
JerkBag: That is funny. Let's try to book them on our show.
Tariq: No. I hate her. Also, now I just heard the other chick say - yeah, so on Sunday I;'m going to a sex toy party. We're calling it Dildos for the Sabbath
JerkBag: Are you making this stuff up to improve our ratings?
Tariq: WTF is wrong with these people?
I wish I was making it up.
JerkBag: That is a very valid question.
Are you aware that you have personally introduced me to several people who would consider that to be a very reasonable conversation?
Tariq: Like who?
JerkBag: I can't say. I don't want to get sued.
Tariq: I will redact their names.
Now that you know what redact means, you should be ok with it
JerkBag: What about that chick that wanted to name her baby, "Baby"?
Tariq: Who is that?
JerkBag: Maybe that isn't a good example. How about Heinrich?
Tariq: He's out of rehab now, so I doubt he'd think that was reasonable any more.
JerkBag: http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/funny-pictures-lolcat-office-assistant1.jpg
Tariq: Yeah, I saw that.
JerkBag: This is your office:
http://simulatedcomicproduct.com/comics/2008-03-13-DexterityRoll.jpg
Tariq: Um, ok, you are a complete nerd
JerkBag: Have you seen the rankings?
Tariq: On reddit? Yes, I am on there now.
JerkBag: No, the Final Four
You are turning into a big time nerd.
Tariq: Yes, I have seen them AND i knew what you were talking about.
JerkBag: You always say that AFTER I tell you something!
Tariq: And I knew you were going to say that.
JerkBag: I am not very happy with the way things are going.
Tariq: You know what your problem is?
Overconfidence about yesterdays games
JerkBag: You?
It is not possible to have over-confidence for something that has already not worked out.
Tariq: Are you talking about your life?
JerkBag: Yes, look at the friends I have. It is horrible.
Tariq: Shouldn't you be ill and bed-ridden?
JerkBag: I have single-handedly defeated the flu.
Probably forever.
Tariq: Single-handedly? I doubt that.
JerkBag: My antibodies kick ass.
Tariq: YOU need your ass kicked.
Also, I you have not defeated it forever, as yo uclaim.
JerkBag: I CAN USE CAPS TOO.
Norris called me. I think he was in a car accident.
Tariq: THAT'S UNFORTUNATE.
You know what I was thinking? We should post our IMs on a website.
JerkBag: Russ and I planned to do that when we were at Vandalay, but it turned out to be more work than we thought.
Tariq: Is it?
Can't we just set something up at BlogSpot or something?
JerkBag: The problems are that some of the stuff we talk about is secret.
Tariq: We'll redact the parts relating to your homosexuality
JerkBag: Very funny.
Tariq: That's why it should be for the world to see.
JerkBag: Things you might not want the world to see: you talking bad about your employer, our business dealings, insults of people we know...
Tariq: Yeah, but we can redact anything we don't want shown
Plus, YOU are the one who is constantly ragging on your employer.
JerkBag: That is where the work comes in and stop saying redact.
If you worked in this office, you would too.
Tariq: How hard can that be? We cover up some words. Is it really that hard?
http://www.insidecrm.com/archive2/2007/04/50_ways_to_get_.html
JerkBag: No, you just have to read it again which gets boring really quickly. You of all people should know that is a big hurdle.
Tariq: What is that supposed to mean?
I am going to go to blog spot and give it a shot.
JerkBag: It means that you don't like to do boring things.
Tariq: Agreed
JerkBag: I also think that you are over-estimating how funny we are to other people.
A lot of it is inside jokes.
Tariq: Yes, I know. I am TOTALLY overestimating YOUR funniness. But I am universally regarded as the comedy gold standard
JerkBag: Gold is down in early trading.
Send me a transcript of what you are going to upload.
Why are you calling me???
Tariq: Don't forget to give Norris my #.
And, you're right, this isn't nearly as funny when you read it back, but I'm going to do it anyway.
JerkBag: The very first one was kind of funny.
First one on the search page.
Tariq: What are you talking about?
What search page?
JerkBag: Nevermind
Tariq: That wasn't funny
Are there emoticons on this thing?
JerkBag: No
Tariq: That's dumb. There should be.
JerkBag: No, there shouldn't
Tariq: WHy not? You don't HAVE to use them, but at least there would be the option for people who did.
JerkBag: and if there were I wouldn't tell you.
I have to look at them.
Tariq: I can't find any. I just looiked again
How do you save this?
The IM string?
JerkBag: I guess that proves it. :)
Tariq: You are an idiot :(
JerkBag: Is that usually what you say when someone shows you something you don't know?
Tariq: THAT'S NOT THE TYPE OF EMOTICON I WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!!
JerkBag: I have to say it sort of implies that you are also an idiot.
Tariq: You said "also", meaning you admit to being an idiot.
JerkBag: What are you talking about?
Tariq: I am glad you finally came to terms with that.
JerkBag: In your implication,.
Tariq: I am talkign about the ready-made ones
And, how do you save these strings?
JerkBag: :-)
Tariq: Seriously, I am going to punch you.
JerkBag: :*)
Tariq: I don't even know what that one is.
JerkBag: Me neither.
Tariq: THEN WHY DID YOU DO IT!?!?!?!!?
JerkBag: I was experimenting
It is like his eyes are where his ears should be.
Tariq: Is that what you call it when you sleep with other guys>
Also, my right armpit is a bit sweaty and I don't know why/
JerkBag: This is not going to play well on the interwebs.
Tariq: LOL Katz luv it.
JerkBag: They love that.
I IS in you IM, saying stuff.
Tariq: Itz spelld "iz", no "is".
JerkBag: Hold on I am going to send you a picture of my BBQ grill.
Tell me if it looks angry.
Tariq: HA!
JerkBag: x-(
Tariq: Ok, for the 3d time, how do you save this stuff?
JerkBag: I don't know. You are the blogger.
Look at my grill!
I knew I could do it!
Tariq: I fugured it out.
Becuz I iz jeenyus kat
JerkBag: Hello Internets!
Tariq: Oh no, the internet is here
JerkBag: B-)
Tariq: What the hell is that? Batman?
JerkBag: Wait for it.
It isn't Batman.
Tariq: Ok, what is it?
JerkBag: A guy wearing sunglasses. What does it look like?
Tariq: Seriously, are you eating paint chips RIGHT NOW?
JerkBag: It is just a snack.
What does it look like to you?
Tariq: Exactly what I said - Batman
JerkBag: I tried to send you a IM transcript, but it failed and then added your whole address to the IM window. This is getting too confusing.
Tariq: I just copied and pasted to a Word doc
JerkBag: Which one?
This one?
Tariq: Yes
JerkBag: The one I tried to send you was very funny.
Tariq: Why don't you email it to me?
JerkBag: I tried!!!
I just told you that.
Tariq: What isyour problem? You are the comp nerd?
JerkBag: I can't control google
Tariq: What about eBay?
JerkBag: Now, I have to see your whole address all over my IM window!
Tariq: Nice
JerkBag: Ha! I just figured out how to change it back.
Tariq: Wow. I am soooo impressed.
JerkBag: Not only that. I can change it to whatever I want.
Tariq: ...
JerkBag: What's up, Tariq2999?
Tariq: You are a DB. That's not my screen name and you know it. Now, at the very least, let's shoot for some accuracy here and change it back to what it actually is!
JerkBag: What is DB?
Tariq: You. A DoucheBag.
JerkBag: haha
Tariq2999 is typing....
Tariq: I am changing yours to Jerk-bag DB
JerkBag: haha
I don't believe that you know how to do that.
Tariq: Give me a minute
JerkBag: It is only two years less. What's the big deal?
Tariq: Ok, you are now officially JerkBag
The DB didn't fit
JerkBag: You are just saying that.
You didn't figure it out, because I made the whole thing up!
haha
Tariq: REally? Why don't you check your email.
JerkBag: I am on email right now
Tariq: Well, I just sent you an email that included a screen capture of your name, JerkBag
JerkBag: Sure you did.
Tariq: Also, on the top of the IM window, it has your full name, JerkBag DB
JerkBag: Sure.
I guess that email must have gotten lost at the virtual post office.
Tariq: Look, are you trying to play for the "blogosphere" by acting like I couldn't do it.
Just ADMIT THAT YOU ARE JERKBAG DB!!!!
JerkBag: YOU DIDN"T SEND ME AN EMAIL
Tariq: Yes
I
Did
JerkBag: BECAUSE YOU DIDN"T DO IT
Tariq: STOP YELLING!
JerkBag: That email doesn't prove anything.
Tariq: Really? What about the pic I am bout to send to your phone?
JerkBag: Maybe you have another friend who is actually named JerkBag.
Tariq: It's pronouse ass-we-pay
JerkBag: Probably you do.
Tariq: I just sent a pic to you.
And why didn't you answer your phone?
JerkBag: Did you just call me from your old number?
Tariq: It's my work #
Also, did you give Norris my #?
JerkBag: For some reason, I thought it was Vandalay IT.
Yes
Tariq: No, it was Vandalay ET. I was phoning home.
JerkBag: You don't live here anymore.
Tariq: As far as you know
JerkBag: I didn't think it was possible, but our IMs have actually gotten more ridiculous since we decided to go on the World Wide Web.
Tariq: I doubt that.
Mr Simpson, can you really put a price on yuor family's safety?
You wouldn't think so, but here we are.
JerkBag: We were speaking in Lolcat!!!
Tariq: Yeah, I am multi-lingualz
JerkBag: Stop doing that!
Tariq: See, if there was a cat emoticon, that would be perfect right now
JerkBag: Emoticons are stupid.
and no one wants to see them.
Also, the only people who should talk like that are kittens, because they are young and they are still learning English.
Tariq: Allow me to quote a chick I work with. SHe and some other girl are talking next to my deask and this is what one of them says - It's bad enough that I have to worry about my Billy Dee Williams mustache
JerkBag: That is funny. Let's try to book them on our show.
Tariq: No. I hate her. Also, now I just heard the other chick say - yeah, so on Sunday I;'m going to a sex toy party. We're calling it Dildos for the Sabbath
JerkBag: Are you making this stuff up to improve our ratings?
Tariq: WTF is wrong with these people?
I wish I was making it up.
JerkBag: That is a very valid question.
Are you aware that you have personally introduced me to several people who would consider that to be a very reasonable conversation?
Tariq: Like who?
JerkBag: I can't say. I don't want to get sued.
Tariq: I will redact their names.
Now that you know what redact means, you should be ok with it
JerkBag: What about that chick that wanted to name her baby, "Baby"?
Tariq: Who is that?
JerkBag: Maybe that isn't a good example. How about Heinrich?
Tariq: He's out of rehab now, so I doubt he'd think that was reasonable any more.
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